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My heart goes out to you. It’s bad enough that your sister has been so nasty to you, but doublely so when you were going through heart surgery and needed her support. It’s really sad but when involved in MLM not much else matters. My son is in Quixtar and I know of two people in his line that have gone away to a conference the last three years when it was their children’s birthdays. So, yes I’m afraid that their MLM becomes their first priority. Quixtar tells them that by
going to meetings, conferences, and especially all the time spent recuiting, that they are building their business so that they’ll be able to spend more time with their families in the future. My reaction to that is they will never be able to get back the time they lost with them no matter what. And yes, they are guilted into going to all functions. It keeps them “Plugged In” (I call it brainwashed).
They say it sets a good example for their downline. I call that a way to make more money for people at the top. Negative? Hell yes, to us, but they convince everyone that everything they do is positive. The negativity comes from the outside, us. But just what if someone decided NOT to go to a function, buy books or CDs (the tools you need to build your business) or decide to leave the business? I would bet a lot of negativity would be said from the uplines. But of course they are just trying to help them build their business.
When someone is recovering from surgery, the focus is on them. It’s not a time to give a gift that is about recruiting. It’s a time to give a gift that says, “I care about you.”
Period. End of statement. “I care about you.” Not, “I care about you BUT if you like it, you can join me.” Roxy had already told her she didn’t want to be a distributor previously. It’s a loaded gift and it’s clear at that point it’s not about, “I hope you get better,” it’s about, “Here’s a gift from my stuff and I want you to know about it.”
If you don’t see the difference, then you’re missing something big and important in terms of human needs and behavior.
but I doubt that she would expect you to buy your own steakhouse. And I doubt if she would eat every drop of food that she consumed in that steakhouse, and she certainly would not be in business for very long if the success percentages in that “steakhouse” franchise were as ridiculously low as they are in the vast majority MLM’s. I also don’t think that if your sister owned a steakhouse and you were a vegetarian, she would claim you were negative and did not support her dreams if you refused to eat her steak.
I was dating a guy that was in up to his ears in Primerica. I thought that going broke would cause him to leave the company. He switched all within the same MLM so he could work and still be part of the MLM. I got him to move 50 miles away (which means you lose all your customers) but he simply stepped down from his high ranking to a lower ranking prostion to retain the customers. Now he is trying to turn the company he is working for into Primerica. He is buying some of the books and giving them to his boss (so he can run the company the “right way”).
One day when we went to horrible talk (actaully it was a plea for money) given by the Audobon Society. I wanted to leave and he told me I was being “negative”. I said the talk was stupid and pointless and I did not want to waste my time. He told me that I needed to understand that some people aren’t good at presentations and I needed to change my thinking to become more positive. Later the same day he tried to get me to listen to positive thinking cds.
The point is the brainwashing is powerful and no person wants to admit that thier “friends” used and manipulated them. Your sister is being told she is a loser if she quits and not to communicate with losers. It is a long hard road to get someone to get out of a MLM and stay out. However since your sister is new to the scene it might be easier to get her out. The most important thing is to get to counseling so a trained professional can get her to see the light. That is the only way that I have seen that works.
Your sister is being brainwashed, and while I believe she is responsible for what she says and does, the people who are “training” her are very good at this. My mother elected to go to a “training” weekend with her upline as opposed to supporting her son who was in the hospital, trying to get over a crippling illness. Her justification was there was nothing they could do to help anyway and missing this weekend retreat could set their business and our future as a family back. I’m thinking her son did not want to hear that.
I would say do not allow your sister the luxury of getting away with treating you that way. Do not support any form of her business. Draw some very straight and deep lines in the sand and do not let her cross them. I believe eventually she will come around, then you can be there and hopefully get back to where you were. Love does find a way in families. Good Luck
Because there’s now a wealth of information on the internet, telling of the scams revolving around so many MLM’s – they want to steer you towards information THEY provide – not people who’ve been in the business and left. Another good anti-MLM website is ebay: go there and see what the price of Arbonne products are selling for from people who want to get out.. LOL!!! Even if you signed up under your sis, THAT is what you’d have to compete against. Amway’s statistics show that for every 3 people who sign up, 2 will NOT renew the following year. I can’t imagine Arbonne has any better statistics??
My “motherly” advice is to keep your distance from your sister while she’s not thinking clearly. She will be told that “those who are not supporting her are holding her back” – there’s no sense in getting blamed for something that’s certainly not your fault. Sooner or later, she’ll see that her dreams are not being realized – or if they are, that they’re not worth the loss of family and friends – and the person you know should return.
There are similar stories in the “files” sections of this forum – of families that were torn apart by the influence of MLMs (don’t be put off if it’s not specifically Arbonne – the story you’ve described sounds a lot like MANY MLMs).
going on when she kept saying that I’m negative and that I just have a bad attitude about things and just because she didn’t go to college as long as I have doesn’t mean that she isn’t capable of doing this business. I took that as a sign that someone had told her that this situation would arise, and there are specific ways to deal with it.
As for the comment about people lending her money.. her husband is very wealthy. She is doing this basically because everyone in her circle of friends is doing it and I also suspect because she has been regretting her decision to be a stay-at-home mom. She needed to do something that would get her out of the house, I could tell she had been feeling trapped for the past few years. So I feel that because money is basically no object, her husband has tons to just give to her.. that’s exactly what is going to happen. Maybe until there’s a point that he realizes she’s spending too much and making too little.
All the other women in her circle of friends are in this to “become rich on their own” to “get that white Mercedes” and a number of other “perks” their greedy little eyes light up over when talking about this company.
My sister has only ever gotten into a fight like this with me once before, and she was having a rough patch with her husband, I was living there at the time and I think the combo of other things going on in her life then contributed to that particular fight. But she has never acted the way she did when she was “defending” Arbonne.
I really want to know if at some point these people sit you down and tell you that anyone in your life that isn’t on board with this is your enemy and that everyone who disagrees with the company is closed-minded?
Being “closed-minded” and “ignorant” were the LAST things I would expect to be called, especially from her! She knows I’m not closed-minded… I have always been open to the ideas she has come up with in the past to help herself… she was doing interior design for awhile and she was great at it! She gave that up to become a consultant. And ignorant?? I think not. I am extremely informed… I read the news all day long, I have one degree and I’m working on another! Far from ignorant by most peoples’ standards!
I just wish there was something I could do to help her see that this is going to alienate her from our family… my dad doesn’t even want to be in the same room as her any more! She’s a totally different person and it’s scary. I feel that I should at the very least send back the “get well” gift. Maybe I should hold back on sending her a note that I am here to support her? I really DON’T support this!! I see it as a scam, point blank.
Train their people to look for the “hook” – that one thing that will appeal to any given person. I’m sure they told you how wonderful these opportunities would be for your kids – the great things you’d be able to do with and FOR them…..
Don’t beat yourself up too hard – a lot of skeptical people have been drawn in, too. You are in good company….LOL!!
I was a single parent raising four sons! I was very gullible and did what I was told to do because I wanted a better life for my children. I went to the rallies. I bought the books and tapes. I spent money I did not have to meet the expectations of my upline. Guess what… It never worked. I never made the kind of money the big wigs were always talking about.
This went on for about 20 years! My advise to anyone thinking of getting invovled in MLM is this. DO! NOT! risk your home or your vehicle or your basic necessities for survival to go to a meeting or rally or convention! It is not worth it! You will regreat it! Think about the choices you make. Good business practices do not include guilt tactics and threats and allienation from the group if you do not do the business as fast as they say everyone else is. Thank You for letting me post.
I have posted before, my criteria for judging MLMs. In my book, they are bad if they satisfy any of the following: (I will explain why if you are interested)
1. Require you to buy product to be a distributor.
2. Require any “training” for the job.
3. Require you to “qualify” at some level(in recruitment OR sales) in order to get commissions.
I am not personally familiar(other than this forum and google) with Mary Kay or Avon, Tupperware or the jewellery thing – but I’d be interested to know if they meet any of the above.(My attempt to gather information).
You aren’t sure my motive is really information gathering because I have friends and family involved in multiple different mlm companies? That’s not really something I can convince you of obviously, you’ll believe what you want apparently. I am an information seeker. If I am searching for Premiere Jewelry, find out it’s an MLM, then search for MLM scams and find this blog…it piques my interest, I join up to see what I can find out further.
The only post about them I have found here is seven years old and not very detailed.
I can only speak to what I have seen about the companies my close loved ones are into…they have never high pressured me to join, buy or have parties. So I guess not all mlm’s are teaching these negative, anti family practices that you keep saying they do. Of course, I am not telling them they are brain washed because they have ambitions to make themselves a business out of these companies.
I also am not their prime market because I personally don’t wear jewelry or use cosmetics.
Is a steak house the same as an MLM? No. But I doubt all MLM’s have the same EXACT structure either.
My uncle sells cars and guess what, his boss makes money off of his sales too. Managers make commissions off of employees. Exactly the same? Nope. But the same basic principle. Every higher level makes a bit more off of the ones below them. My uncle also wins incentive trips for having the most sales, etc.
My SIL who sells jewelry makes money, loves having the parties and enjoys the company of the women she meets. I am sure not everyone makes tons of money. Neither do car salesmen, waitresses, managers…there are successful and unsuccessful people in all businesses and professions.
I can grasp that some companies are only pushing recruiting and not product sales. If they don’t make sales, then I can see they might not be viable as an avenue for money making…but if you are selling product, to those who want it, not forcing your friends and family to buy it, then surely these folks are making some money. Is it going to make you rich quick? I don’t foresee anything doing that without work short of winning the lottery…
Alcoholics analogy wasn’t really hitting home for me…
If I know someone who is a diabetic, I won’t start telling EVERYONE not to eat sugar…or that fruit is sweet, so it must be bad too.
Ok, so if we are going to be open minded, can we not admit that not ALL mlm’s are created equal? Or that at least the possibility exists that one is not bad? Mary Kay, Tupperware, Avon, Premiere Jewelry…I know someone involved in them all and I don’t see that they are being brainwashed like I keep hearing here about some of these things like Arbonne and Quixtar, Amway. So how long does it take for the supposed brainwashing to happen? Are they all just doing it wrong because they haven’t pressured me to be a rep yet?
I would normally say you will learn your lessons in due course… but in this case, there are little ones involved. Is this the best you can do ? Do MLM and loose money for quote ” mental stimulation and adult interaction”? what are you doing as an investment for their future ? Do you have a college fund for them? I hope you are loaded, because not many can keep loosing money waiting for the big *ACE* – more likely you will end up with an *ASS*.
Also, denial is not a luxury you can knowingly indulge in when you have children.
I have been reading this blog for a bit and whilst all your comments make me smile or even laugh, this is the first one that has prompted me to reply. Thanks for the wisdom, I shall try to print them and stick them to my refrigerator
As an “authority on family” (I’m 55 and have 7 adult kids and 7grandkids) – I want to assure all of you that family will NOT wait. Your “time” to influence your kids/set a parenting example/be involvedin their lives/teach them to love and show compassion for othershappens in the blink of an eye.Even in a “perfect” family where the father works 8-to-5, and themother may or may not work…there’s still scant time to spend withyour kids. For every night a parent is prospecting; for every weekendthe parents spend at a “function”….there’s one less opportunity foryour kids to learn something. If they haven’t learned important lifeskills by the time they’re 18 or so….they will be at a disadvantagewhen they leave the nest – and what loving parent wants to do that totheir child????
that had some indicators that a MLM is not going to be profitable or that money is not being made on sales of product to customers if certain criteria exist. Paying beyond I think four levels, they said they profits are coming from overpricing product and purchases made by those in the MLM. And it is an MLM if it has levels and layers of commissions and bonuses.. can’t really argue that.
Don’t remember the site but they showed up in the top page of results, so they would be easy to find if you searched for it.